everyday sanctity

"The Christian vocation consists of making heroic verse out of the prose of each day. Heaven and earth seem to merge, my sons and daughters, on the horizon. But where they really meet is in your hearts, when you sanctify your everyday lives"
--St. Josemaria Escriva

5th Sunday of Lent

"Amen, amen, I say to you,
unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies,
it remains just a grain of wheat;
but if it dies, it produces much fruit.
Whoever loves his life loses it,
and whoever hates his life in this world
will preserve it for eternal life." John 12:24

I love finding incredible pieces of Truth in the most unexpected places. Here's a real gem from the lovely actress, Zooey Deschanel:

"Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love."

Last [single, OH, child] Taxes

I keep thinking about how a million different things will be different this time next year. I keep thinking how this past Christmas was my last Christmas without Hank; how, come October 13th, all holidays will be split up between our two families. I keep thinking "this is/will be the last time I'll [fill in the blank] without Hank or as a single person." The funniest one so far came up tonight while I was working on filling out this year's tax forms. I thought about how next year my Dad wont be helping me with them; how Hank and I will be filing together; and how, most-likely, I will be living in a diferent state. It seems like a silly thing to be so thoughtful about, but it's the kind of thing that makes me look forward to the future and all the changes before me with hopeful expectation, as well as reminding me about how much I have to be thankful for right now.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really, want.

After meeting with the florist for the wedding today my mom complimented me on how I really seemed to know what I wanted. Now, I know this kind of sounds like a strange compliment, but it was a really significant affirmation for me to receive. You see, I am miss indecisive, or at least, I was. Honestly, about a year ago, if you asked me to tell you with complete certainty what I wanted or to make a even a small decision, I probably would have shied away from it saying, "I don't even know what I want."

Not anymore.

Ok, so I'm still not the first one in a group to make a suggestion or offer an opinion about an activity, and decisions, especially big ones, still stress me out; but I think I've learned a lot in the past year, heck, in the past 2 months, about what I really want. I've also learned how to effectively convey my opinion and to own it and not apologize for having an opinion.

This is one of the amazing things wedding planning has taught me: that I do know myself, I do know what I hope and wish for, and if I dig deep down into myself I can discover it and even work to make it a reality.

Courage, Confidence, and Creativity

This is probably one of the most important lessons I've learned from my painting class so far. I came into the class wanting so badly to be good at art, to be able to create art that really means something, that is worth looking at and most of all that I could be proud of. However, I also came into the class as a pretty timid artist. I have always been really concerned with doing things "the right way." I am often afraid to move forward unless I know for sure that I am doing it the right way. I guess I'm more afraid of failure than I would like to think. Sometimes I wont even try things I think I wont be good at. A good painting requires a certain amount of confidence on the part of the painter. I couldn't wait to make every brush stroke until I had gotten the "ok" from my instructor. So I had a to take the chance that I might not be doing it just right and just paint. I quickly learned a few things from painting this way:

1. Painting is actually fun when you just go for it and don't stress out about each brushstroke.

2. the magic of acrylic paint: if you paint something that doesn't look quite right- let it dry and then paint over it.

As I grew more and more confident and had more fun while I was painting, I realized that I'm actually pretty good at it. I've painted a few things that I am truly proud of. But more than that, I' proud of the way my confidence in myself has grown. I've learned to stick up for my own opinions and what I like, my own interpretation of things. I've learned to really look at something and to represent it in my own way.

I think I'm learning about real creativity.