Rest

I have in me eternal longings;
hungers which cannot be satisfied here,
thirsts which cannot be quenched.

My soul aches for Something beyond,
Something it does not fully understand.

Something I cannot grasp.

Designed with Something missing
I will never stop searching

Until in Him I rest.

the blank, white page.

The cursor flashes on the blank, white page

daring me to type, to write, to speak

what’s on my mind, what’s in my heart.

Like a second Eliot, another Prufrock, I ask myself:

“Do I dare?”

“Do I dare disturb the universe?”

If I capture what I want to say in black text upon this white page,

If I set my thoughts adrift into this vast expansive sea of information,

full of more important thoughts, more eloquent words,

will it matter?

Or, I could so easily

delete

these words. No one would know the difference anyway.

Will their impact be missed?

Do I dare suppose I have anything important to say,

anything worth reading to write?

Can this small voice help answer the “overwhelming question?”

Can my two cents help bring order to this apparent chaos?

Self Discipline

I'm starting to realize that a big thing God wants me to work on before I graduate college is self-discipline. Sometimes I wonder why I'm a Classics major, but I'm realizing it may be (at least in part) because I usually lack the discipline to sit down and see something through to completion, and translating Latin and Greek requires that you sit still and keep your mind focused on one task for as long as it takes. Right now I'm struggling with finishing my thesis. I have 29 days to finish it. It seems like a lot, but I know it will fly by. It drives me crazy how I love to start things but I struggle to find the determination to finish them.

God grant me perseverance.

Simcha Fisher Does it Again

I don't think I've ever read a blog post by Simcha Fisher that I didn't like. She captures ideas about topics I've been thinking about so well, deeply, but in a perfectly understandable way. This article on love is just one example.

Wow.

Bl. Mother Teresa calls me out

Usually when I come home for extended periods of time I feel really un-peaceful. Now, don't get me wrong, I love being at home. I love my family so much and I miss them like crazy when I'm away at school. But once I've been at home for a few days (or sometimes hours) I become acutely aware of the lack of peace here at home. It may seem ridiculous to expect peace from the home of 2 parents, 9 children, and 1 dog, and I know better than to expect everyone to be quiet and calm all the time, but the lack of peace still makes me sad. I often get frustrated with it and even find myself getting angry with my family for their bad attitudes and bickering.

I read this quote from Bl.Mother Teresa today and it just hit me hard: "“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.”

Wow.

Of course I want world peace, who doesn't? But how do I expect to go out and love the world and promote world peace if I can't even love my own family? Mother Teresa's words really called me out. They made me think, "Is selflessly loving my family the foremost concern on my mind when I come home? Maybe if it were I could really start to make a difference at home." I've always kind of resented being the oldest, but this is my chance to put it to use, to set a good example for the other kids of love, in the hopes that little by little, together, we can restore peace.

Write Your Love on My Heart

This verse keeps popping up again and again in my mind and on my heart:

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"
1 John 3:1

I think the language really makes it stick for me-
lavished- what a beautiful word! (lavish: to expend or give in great amounts or without limit)The Father has not just given us this great love, He has lavished it on us; He has poured His love on us without limit. How incredible is that!?

And that is what we are- John leaves no room for interpretation here. We aren't "like" children of God; we don't appear to be children of God; we ARE children of God. Plain and simple. John's words are plain and simple, but to be able to wrap your mind around the truth he is expressing isn't so simple.

It makes me wonder, do I live every moment of every single day in the truth that I am a child of God? Do I understand what that means? Have I accepted the truth that God has lavished His great love on me, even when I don't necessarily feel it? How should this truth affect the way I live? How should it affect the way I treat others? Do I recognize that every person I encounter is just as much a child of God as I am? If God has lavished each and every person with this great love, who am I to give anything less than all the love I have to each of my brothers and sisters?

St.Therese gives me hope

"...I know that Jesus cannot desire useless sufferings for us, and that he would not inspire the longings I feel unless he wanted to grant them. Oh! How sweet is the way of Love! How I want to apply myself to doing the will of God always with the greatest self-surrender! God cannot inspire unrealizable desires. I can, then in spite of my littleness, aspire to holiness. It is impossible for me to grow up, and so I must bear with myself such as I am with all my imperfections...The Lord has always given me what I desire or rather He has made me desire what He wants to give me..."

St. Therese of Lisieux

I really like this post on marriage and soul mates, it gives some much needed perspective.

"Lord, make us crazy with a contagious craziness that will draw many to your apostolate." ~St. Josemaria Escriva, "The Way"

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Everything is a grace, everything is the direct effect of our father's love—difficulties, contradictions, humiliations, all the soul's miseries, her burdens, her needs—everything, because through them, she learns humility, realizes her weakness. Everything is a grace because—everything is God's gift. Whatever be the character of life or its unexpected events—to the heart—that loves, all is well."
-St. Therese of Lisieux

Do not be satisfied with anything less than Truth and Love. Do not be content with anything less than Christ. - Pope Benedict XVI

Fortitude: My virtue for the month

"Fortitude is a necessary ingredient in all virtues, for no virtue "happens;" but must be fought for." - Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Encouragement for the Catholic Student

"Do you desire to study to your advantage? Let devotion accompany all your studies, and study less to make yourself learned than to become a saint. Consult God more than your books, and ask him, with humility, to make you understand what you read. Study fatigues and drains the mind and heart. Go from time to time to refresh them at the feet of Jesus Christ under his cross. Some moments of repose in his sacred wounds give fresh vigor and new lights. Interrupt your application by short, but fervent and ejaculatory prayers: never begin or end your study but by prayer. Science is a gift of the Father of lights; do not therefore consider it as barely the work of your own mind or industry."
-Saint Vincent Ferrer

"A Woman's Heart is authentically feminine, powerful, tender, fierce, glorious, and alluring. She is a reflection of God's own heart" -Captivating

Do you ever just have a day when there is absolutely no doubt in your mind that God loves you and everything around you seems to be attesting to that fact? Today is one of those days for me. First of all, it is a GORGEOUS Fall day-- the sky is blue, the sun is shining, trees are all beautiful, vivid colors and the wind is strong enough to be blustery but not so strong that it's scary. All in all a perfect Fall day. Second, my afternoon class was canceled. There's nothing quite like the feeling you get when you find out have an extra free hour in the middle of the afternoon. I also got to write and send off some letters today, which is something I don't usually have the time to do.

I know these things all sound kind of random, but they are all little reminders of God's love for me.

What are your little reminders?